Getting back to books

When I looked back at the end of last year at how many books I’d read and realised it was only 18 for the whole of 2015, I was not best pleased (understatement.) Therefore over Christmas and New Year I resolved to do-something-about-that and set an achievable target of spending one hour at least four days a week in our designated reading chair in the bedroom. Largely to get my arse away from the sofa and from extended mindless hours in front of nothing in particular on the telly-box, which was the default evening routine most days. Also to try and re-engage more fully with written words (the evening telly-box mindlessness had spilled over into reading, courtesy of mindless social media scrolling and therefore he norm had become disengaged reading, not just online but of anything really.) A sad state of affairs.

A few days into the-great-intentional-reading of 2016 Mr I joined me so the TV now goes off in the early evening, unless there is a specific programme to watch. And reading does not have to leave the sofa. Happily by the end of March I have read nearly as many books as I did in the whole of last year.

*

Early on in 2016 I read three books:

Coming Clean by Seth Haines

The Listening Life by Adam McHugh

Pray, Write and Grow by Ed Cyzewski

All three books spoke loudly and clearly into the drought that I knew I was experiencing because of disengaged reading, namely that I needed to pay attention more closely to what I read (whatever the book or genre.)

Coming Clean was the book I finished just prior to the start of Lent and this also encouraged me to enter into intentional forgiveness during the Lent period. Sitting for a while each day as often as possible with God in front of a list of people who enter my head space for all the wrong reasons, where scenarios play out over and again, or heckles rise and stay that way for longer than is healthy.

I was encouraged after a few days of sitting and praying with the list, that head space residence started to subside in some situations. There are after all some people you have to interact with like it or not. Therefore practising forgiveness as a regular thing, rather than waiting for an offence to occur took some of the wind out of stewing on situations or time spent working through them.

Naturally being the flawed human that I am, meant that once I was on a roll with the forgiveness thing, I found reasons not to practice each day (yes I’ve done the work, it feels good so let’s trundle on with that for now.) 

We then we heard of a couple of deaths during the Lent period, one of which was particularly tragic and winded us both somewhat. Of course that is the very time when drawing close to God in any capacity is a good idea rather than bolting off finding things to ‘do’ to try and forget about the pain (chocolate, trash TV, trash Social Media for starters.) But on the other hand I know God hears our grief expressed as inner groans; it doesn't feel like the articulation of 'conventional' prayer, but these are often the deepest, heartfelt and most honest cries from our souls.

After this mid-Lent hiatus from the forgiveness practise I found that the persons on the list were beginning to invade my head space again and not only that, it felt like a pile on. A big, fat signal if ever there were one, that I needed to get back on track with the work of forgiveness. 

So I will be sticking with this beyond Lent, quiet before God, praying forgiveness over the list and listening to what God is saying in the quiet.

The journey goes on and I have yet to get out of the habit of mindless Social Media scrolling in the margins when I'm tired or bored. I have moved some of the people I follow on Twitter onto lists; I am interested in what they have to say and maybe dip in to the lists up to a couple of times a day, but it helps me take control over the choice to look at associated conversations, discussions, rows which are for me a MAJOR distraction and often an unhelpful trigger for 'all the feels', which in themselves can lead to depressive episodes.

I'm so thankful for the encouragement I found in the three books above and that God opened my ears to what He is saying through them.

(And of course it goes without saying that the reading goes on regardless)

continuously shuffling, never dealing

Many are the thoughts that have passed in and through my mind this summer, especially around social media.

Continuously shuffling but never dealing and putting cards on the table.

I have toyed with stepping off the social media carousel and have spent time reading blogs of those who have/are doing. But..


NOTICE or BEING NOTICED

How come someone with a high profile gets a gazillion likes and shares when they post a picture of a pair of shoes?

(totally ironic photo)

Like, like, like, like, like, like, la, la, la, la, la, la

Wading through opinions, hot-buttons, promotions, entertainment, oversharing, myriad holiday photos from exotic and not so exotic locations, excellent writing, writing that other people think is excellent writing (discuss).

Is it how cleverly we play to the gallery?

I say that I like the smallness of my social media world, some days I disagree with myself and start to measure my worth by it.

And I guess that is it in a nutshell, how we measure our worth.

I recall some meaningful interactions and their timings:

• a late night blog comment thread which lead to the discovery of a gem of a book
• a stumbled upon twitter comment that only has meaning for those who know – a ‘me too’ of epic proportions
• gentle, middle of the night,life-giving stories that go largely unnoticed
• tweeting song lyrics which simultaneously had deep meaning for others
• wading through three hours of early tweets with morning breath and stumbling on something priceless

All these is when this happens:

(I ruminated lo-ng on this tweet)

Some days the thing you need to notice is right in front of you and you don't have to share it with the world.

 

Other times you just need to keep on scrolling to find the things that really matter.

these stones

Yesterday morning we were still at my dad’s house having travelled there to spend some time with him and also the Scotsman’s parents. I found myself telling dad something I’ve never told him before and it meant as we drove home I felt a mixture of relief and a bit of a heavy heart (I wrote about it yesterday here.)

We attended the evening service back at home, which was done in the Taize style. As part of the service each person attending was handed a stone as they arrived. Early on during the service we were invited to place our stone around a painting of the cross, to represent putting everything of the day at the feet of Jesus. It was just a small part of the service but because of what happened earlier I know I was laying a lot down at that point, so this is the bit that spoke the most significantly.

God has been bringing stones to my attention a lot lately.

A couple of years ago following a move we embarked on a period of personal, professional and geographical transition. I also entered a period of time where I felt an absence of God, doubting his plans and purposes and doubting Him too. There were times during this period when God said very little indeed and to be honest it felt more like moving from the frying pan and into the fire. But slowly it became apparent that this was a time to re-connect with God on a much deeper level.

Recently the writer Adam S McHugh quoted this on twitter:

Looking back over everything that has happened in the last two years I think I have been waiting for something ‘concrete’ to tell me that this wilderness time has passed. I have even taken a photo of a pile of stones in readiness. But while I have been waiting and looking, it has gently snuck past.

The laying down of the stones last night in church also reminded me very strongly of the closing scenes in the film Schindler’s List. 

A procession of the now-elderly Jews who worked in Schindler’s factory walk to and set stones on his grave – a traditional Jewish custom denoting gratitude to the deceased. The actors portraying the major characters walk alongside them. Oskar Schindler was a flawed man but he loved the Jewish people enough to put his own life at risk and save most of them from certain death (this particular scene plays from approx 2:28 into the clip)

Wherever we are on our journey with God He loves us too much to leave us where we are. 

And He uses whatever means He needs to, to remind us of that.

This post is linked up at Tania Vaughan's place for #mondayministry - check it out and join in

#lentphotos - 17 - a journey

A cake to mark the (adult) baptism of one of our children.  It is a great joy to be able to say that all three have been baptised, two of them by their Dad, the Scotsman.  And yes all three of them had celebratory cake/s baked by me (I just happened to remember to photograph this one).  Each occasion was and still is a moment to treasure in my heart.

All of them made a personal journey to get to this point and they shared in their own inimitable, personal words by testimony.  

But it is still a staging post on a lifelong adventure.  Who knows whether that will be with Jesus all the way? 

It is in His hands.

Amen.